30 something onwards and upwards

well it's a new era - one in which the blog is a little less personal and a little more public. sd4life chronicled the first 10 years in the real world and while it will still be available on the internet it's time to move on to a little more 30-something and a little less 20-something if my informal writing project is to not only survive but move on to another level.

on the topic of 20/30 somethings - i'm 32. i work with a bunch of 20 somethings. their first job out of school is with my company, meanwhile i'm five or six gigs and a few stints of unemployment in to my career. several blogs i still read are written by newly 30-somethings and they all seem to be perfectly pleased to be 30. life is good, their skin fits, and they're comfortable with who they are.

having had two years to think about it i'm not sure i agree. sure life feels better than ever now that i live in new england - on so many levels the life i was waiting for began when i moved to boston last july - but i find myself thinking more and more about who i am and where i fit since turning 30.

i've always been closer to people who were older than me - something to do with being the oldest child of an oldest child i suppose - and even as a 20-something right out of college i appreciated the advice and friendship of women in their 30s. it seems that's not the case as said woman in her 30s, at least not in boston. i feel stuck somewhere between the 20 somethings who are enjoying their post college flush of real worldism and the 30 somethings who are married with kids. i still remember my 20s and good times and great oldies when the hangovers didn't last until drinking time the next day but i don't want to do that all the time anymore. i'm happy to go home and cook dinner with my honey and my kitty and wake up hangover-free the next day.

so where does that put me? in a strange sort of limbo where my personal life feels better than ever but my work life feels like a struggle to relate and particpate in the social side of the office. granted it's better than my last job where i didn't want to hang out with my coworkers at all but it still provides food for thought and deliberate contemplation as i think about when to participate and what it means to be one of the most tenured non-leadership employees on my team. it's a work in progress but i wouldn't say that i feel that turning 30 has made me more comfortable with myself than ever before. i find myself questioning who i am and where i fit a lot these days, though it does help to remember that there are quite a few former coworkers whose friendship i still have and my personal life feels better than ever so it's only a matter of time before these last pieces fall in to place.